I know that anxiety is irrational and the way I handle things and behave sometimes isn’t how ‘it should be done’.
But I can’t change that.
I expect the worst.
I get upset.
I can’t help it.
I’d love to be laid back and barely bat an eyelid when things go Pete Tong.
I’d die to feel stress-free and just go with the flow.
I’d do anything to wing it every time – just do and worry about it later.
I’d love to thrive on the adrenaline that a crisis brings.
I’d love to be at my best under pressure.
But right now, that isn’t me. It probably never will be again, and it hurts when someone points out how I do it wrong. I KNOW. But it doesn’t mean I can just stop because someone finds it annoying or it’s not how other people do things.
Anxiety is annoying.
Anxiety is a shit.
Anxiety ruins everything.
But I’m doing my best and trying to please and not let everyone down.
I’m trying not to be annoying and a failure.
I’m surviving and trying.
I just do things differently.